Lorna

There is a common misconception that Christians have in some way failed if their marriage is not a happy one all the time. My marriage story equates to success, despite some heart-wrenchingly painful moments.

Thirteen years and three fabulous children in, we ‘hit the skids’. We were faced with a clear decision: work hard to repair or separate and divorce. We chose the former – it was not easy. What gave us hope was that we both wanted this – to stay together and remember why.

There were a lot of tears through this process. I remember my daily routine: get up, take the children to school, go home, cry, pick the children up, cry a bit more…

There were angry recriminations, accusations, despair but we never felt alone. At this time, I had just returned to teaching after a significant gap to have our children. The first job was not one that I enjoyed. My father also became terminally ill. I gathered the courage to visit the doctor and told him I felt I had three elephants on my chest. When I explained what they were he announced he could fully understand why I was finding life a challenge. Hearing him sympathise was a tremendous relief.

Every, day I seemed to be reading verses from the Bible about God telling us we’re not alone. I didn’t feel His shocked disapproval of a struggling Christian marriage, but rather that Jesus was crying with me though the pain and reassuring me that He would not let me go.

We reached out to an older couple in our church for help and guidance. They were a testament to a marriage of longevity that had had its tough times too. The help from these friends, who’d let us be brutally honest, cry, rant and rave, spear-headed us to renew our marriage vows a couple of years later.

The happy ending didn’t happen there. The vow renewal was the point at which we pledged to keep on going, despite the pain that potentially lay ahead. It did.

But…there is, and always has been, a third person in the mix – our Lord and Saviour, Jesus.  At our wedding, in his speech my father showed a triangle. A three-sided shape is a solid structure – keep Jesus in there with you. We didn’t realise, at the time, how this would play out and make our marriage a success. It still is.